Saturday, September 6, 2008

How To Be Impressively Hair Aware

Darling, if you're reading this it's probably because someone else told you that I mentioned you in my blog so you're reading this to find out what I said and I just want to say up front that you are an awesome wife, I don't deserve you and the thing I love best about your lovely hair is the way it frames your beautiful face. The only reason I sometimes don't pay as much attention to your hair as I should is that I'm so captivated by your eyes, your smile, the way your nose crinkles when you laugh, the whole thing is just so captivating.
So here's what I said in my blog:
The other day I came in from work and after I kissed her, my lovely wife, Becky was giving me one of those subtle, stand-offish smiles that indicates she's wondering if I'm going to say something about something that I should be saying something about but have no clue of any kind as to what the subject might be that I better be addressing post-haste.
"So, how'd it go?" I asked, skillfully using a question to fulfill my obligation to say something until I could come up with what I was supposedto say.
"How'd what go?" Ah, she's good.
Suddenly, I remembered: She told me she was getting her hair done this afternoon. She seemed, as always, to be pretty stoked about it.
"Your haircut appointment. How'd it go? It looks great!"
Now a private sigh of relief should have been in order and mega good guy points awarded, but alas, her sphinx-like smile remained unchanged.
"Can you tell what's different about it?"
(Who do you think you're dealing with here, sister?) "Yeah, it's shorter. And your streaks are lighter, I really like the str--highlights." (Got the proper technical term at the last instant.)
"It's a LOT shorter." She said. Patronizingly.
"Yeah, I know, it's a lot shorter. I really like it." Always want to reiterate that I like it at the end. Not that that is the point of this discussion by any stretch.

So, gentlemen, anyone else ever played ant to just such a magnifying glass? Not fun, huh?
Well I'm here to say that I may have solved this age-old quandary once and for all.
Here's how it came about:
The lady who cuts my hair also does Becky's. (I know that doesn't sound manly, but she did my hair for years before Becky started going to her. And other guys go in there too, and she does great work, so nbd.)
Anyway, when I got my hair cut this past week, she asked me how Becky liked her hair after she did it last week. The way she asked the question indicated that a lot had happened to bring about such dramatic results at the last hair appointment.
I told her that Becky loved it and then--BRAINSTORM.
"Hey, you know what? I'd tip you 20 bucks if you'd just give me a call after Becky's hair appointments and give me a detailed description of all the radical clippage and streakery and whatever else has occurred so that I could intelligently, with proper technical jargon, critique her appearance without having to be prompted."
I think the other ladies in the shop may have been listening in on my brilliant plan because there were smiles all around.
And I'm sure these were the kind of smiles people smile with people and not at them.
I'll let you know how it goes after then next appointment. I'm going to dazzle and amaze. At least, hopefully, I can come up with something better than, "I really like it."

(And my darling, if you're still reading this, I was just kidding her about the $20 bucks. I would never waste any of our hard earned money just to make myself appear to be less of a buffoon than we both know that I really am. And I really do love what you've done to your hair.)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Venti Espresso

Last week I went to Simpson's Adventure Sports to buy some tubes and when I left there I thought I'd stop by the Yahooz 110 gallon hat to get a pound of coffee beans and a shot while I was in the neighborhood.
Here's how it went:
Me: Let me have a pound of coffee and a double shot of espresso.
Yahooz chick (handing me the bag of coffee): What size?
Me: Huh? Oh, a double shot.
YC (a little exasperated): No, what size cup?
Me: !?!?
YC (helpfully showing me 2 different size cups, large and medium): Large or medium?
Me: I just want a double shot of espresso. Use whatever size cup you usually serve it in.
YC: What else do you want in your coffee?
Me: Nothing, just the espresso.
YC: !?!?
Me: ?
YC: I don't think we serve that.
Me: ??
Me (scanning the menu, surely they have espresso on the menu. I see an espresso machine right there. Several items specifically say they include espresso. No listing for shots of espresso. Then I see this item: Barbwire Brew -- 6 shots of espresso, hmmm.): Can I have a Barbwire brew with just 2 shots of espresso instead of 6?
YC: I guess I could just charge you 1/3 of one of those. I don't think we've ever had anyone order that before.
Me: Really?

In all fairness, I've ordered espresso from the original yahooz in Gresham and never had any trouble being understood. And I'll also add that their beans are very good and as advertised: Air roasted kick with a smooth finish.